Ramble Young Man, Ramble!
by delphiamike18
Summary: I go on and on about ANYTHING! Get ready....
1. Ramblings - CH. 1

Random Thoughts… Ramble young man, Ramble!  
  
School behavior would improve when security gets the clearing to use taser guns at will. Someone needs to approve this.  
  
If Kobe Bryant wins the MVP, it will be without Shaq. If the MVP were a marathon, with Shaq, Kobe would be ten yards from the finish before the race started.  
  
It's nice to know people admit they have bad attitudes, but how about they admit they owe you money?  
  
The NBA rivalries don't get any more old school than Sac-Town versus New Jersey. Not even that L.A./Boston rivalry. Where's the history in that?  
  
I hate the Lakers.  
  
Former President Clinton and President Bush should form a band with Dick Chaney and Al Gore. Just think of the marketing. Their name? Too many to throw down. I can't even think of now. I'm having a system overload.  
  
If Shaq ever makes a movie (God forbid) he should just have Kobe Bryant in it. Just for the fun of it. And make it an action movie. Make Shaq a bomb detonator, and Kobe a police officer. And in the last scene, make it so that Kobe as the bomb, and to detonate it, he has to pass the explosive ten feet in front of him. Just think of how many takes would pass before the director has to get a stunt double.  
  
I don't care what anyone says. If Courtney Cox and Davd Arquette are possible, then Yuffie and Vincent can happen too.  
  
To make things interesting, let's make a little game to see how Tifa and Aeris stack up. [pun intended]  
  
Personality: Tifa over Aeris.  
  
Honestly, if Tifa weren't following Cloud around, she'd be one of the boys. Can't you imagine her in Seventh Heaven laughing at everyone's jokes, drinking, and kicking everyone's butt, even if they weren't even looking at her?  
  
Strength: Even.  
  
I'm talking mental and, well, everything besides physical strength. Tifa would've won, but she was a tad too dependent on Cloud throughout the story, when see could've easily took control of the borderline relationship when she met Cloud again. Aeris could've won, but she died too soon to let anyone see how she would've fared with Cloud.  
  
Clothing: Tifa over Aeris  
  
I find it difficult to break this down. I'll take a mulligan.  
  
Development: Aeris over Tifa.  
  
Aeris developed even when we didn't see her during the game. Admit it, when you saw her for the first time, you didn't expect her to be so important in the story, and even though her future was certain, she gathered strength, and realized, knowing it would hurt everyone who knew her. Ouch. I'm crying right now. I hope my laptop doesn't get short- circuited.  
  
Weapons: Aeris over Tifa  
  
C'Mon. The range of her weapons, the clang of the strike?! Are my ears growing! Stoooop!  
  
With Cloud: ….  
  
Um, I really don't have enough time in history for this…  
  
Well, it's over. Personally, it would've been nice to see Aeris and Cloud. She would definitely keep hi sane. Tifa would too, but she's too down-to- earth, and Cloud is, well, not.  
  
Sony + Sega = Unstoppable.  
  
If I saw Sonic and Mario fighting against Pikachu, let's just say I'd be wondering why my medication hasn't kicked in.  
  
I really hate the Lakers.  
  
If Kurt Franklin fell of a stage in the woods, and there is no one around, will anyone actually care?  
  
The best episode of ElimiDate would have Mike Tyson, Dennis Rodman, Bobby Knight, and Bill Romanowski vying for a date with Amy Fisher. Man, I can't fathom the results. I'll try though….  
  
The date starts with Amy outside prison with her uniform and parole officer. She says it's too see who's most familiar with a prison setting. She likes her men well-rounded. Bobby shows up first, giving her his book, saying it would help for those dry times in jail. He'd then curse out the officer, causing Amy to laugh.  
  
Next is Dennis, wearing nothing but the two basketballs he's strategically placed in front of him as he walks toward her. He goes to shake her hand, but purposely drops the balls, and Amy blushes. The parole officer isn't impressed, and eliminates Rodman before he can do anymore harm. After a few minutes, Amy wonders why Tyson and Romanowski are. A scuffle is heard a few yards away, and the three run to see the commotion. Tyson and Romanowski are going at it, biting ears, clipping ankles, crunching ribs, poking eyes, the whole nine yards. Finally, they stop when they realize they're being watched. Amy starts crying, and walks away, telling her parole officer this whole thing was a bad idea, and she'll call Knight later…  
  
Sorry, I tried my best… I should've given myself more time, there's just too many roads I could go down. God, it's impossible to find the perfect scenario…  
  
A fart is the second most hilarious sound in the world. Brittany Spears singing a song that made sense is number one.  
  
Wedding Dress: 10,000$ Tux Rental: $750, Ring: $7000 Finding out on the honeymoon night you've just married your first cousin: Priceless. 


	2. A commercial break: USA High vs. Saved b...

Saved by the Bell vs. USA High  
  
  
  
USA High was a very underrated show. It could've run on NBC in place of Saved by the Bell, which was never the same after the original cast led by Zack. Let's imagine if these two matched up on a Saturday morning at the same time, on different channels:  
  
Main Character: Blonde haired, Blue eyed guy. Zack vs. Jackson  
  
Big Matchup. Ranks up there with the Will Smith vs. Bill Cosby matchup. (Cosby would win going away, but Smith would put up a fight.) Jackson gets points for being a musician, and a decent one at that. [He almost convinced me that he actually wanted to be one offset] Plus, he and Lauren's relationship showed more promise, but never got off the ground. Plus points for the blind chick as well. Zack was… The original, the man. He had the girls and the quick wit to pull himself out of and into any situation. Points off for carrying that blabber-mouth Screech around. Plus, points off for being so on and off with Kelly. They did marry though, big points for that.  
  
Adv: Zack.  
  
Love Interest: Brown-haired, Brown-eyed, smart, down-to-earth girl: Kelly Kapowski vs. Lauren Fontaine  
  
Wow. Both are intensely attractive, and are capable of putting together complete sentences and making it sound like they know what they're saying. Kelly gets plus points for not being rich, yet finding ways to get by. Big points. Lauren could've easily connected with Jackson, but she never took opportunity when it showed up, and Jackson kept going through girlfriend after girlfriend. Kelly got the man, and Lauren got, something.  
  
Adv: Kelly  
  
Token Black Girl: Woman of Color, Sassy, Very high maintenance. Lisa vs. Winnie  
  
One word: Attitude Hot and spicy. Lisa gets the edge in money. She has a different outfit every show. And even the way she wore the different uniforms. (P.E., Army) Winnie was cool as well. [Her H-O-T-T 'Hott!' thing could've been the next 'Whoa!' Or 'Did I do that?' of our generation.] She had attitude, and could pick up foreign dudes. She also stayed with one man for a while, while Lisa barely held onto anyone. Big points for Winnie.  
  
Adv: Tie.  
  
Muscled secondary character: Strong, funny, somewhat aloof. Slater vs. Christian.  
  
It doesn't get any bigger than this. They had almost the same identical role. Play alongside the big star, and make sure you don't try to overdo them, although they could've done so, they did the blue-collar come to work and do what you've been told thing well. Slater gets very high points for being with Jessie without being dwarfed or intimidated. Bonus points for life after SBTB, though The Other Half maybe cancelled. Also, he actually took care of his body, which got unlimited woo's from the audience.  
  
[Where did the 'woo' come from? Is it just something that came along primitively, or did someone actually do this?]  
  
Anyway, Christian was good as well. He could've challenged Slater in athletics, and had a great girl in Winnie. [She gets the slight edge over Jessie, for obvious reasons] His accent and naïve nature made him a very likeable character. More than Slater? Yep. Slater gets BIG points off for calling Jessie 'mama' and fighting over the lead girl, which never happens. Slater can't carry a show like Zack, and Zack can't be alone.  
  
Adv: Christian.  
  
Awkward third girl: Very different girl to bounce things off of. Ashley vs. Jessie.  
  
An unlikely matchup where Jessie would be the evident winner, but hold your horses. Ashley gets huge points for almost being with Jackson, almost catapulting her into the lead female role, which she could've carried for a few weeks. Jessie was very tall, but not the ideal girl, therefore squashing any chances of her and Zack. Even with signs of that happening, it would've been too awkward, too incomprehensible. Zack needed to be with an ideal girl, and Jessie was too much woman for him. Ashley was a very aloof girl, and played the part perfectly. Jessie was a strong, smart girl who was either longing for attention, or trying to make it on her own. Either way, she pushed herself too hard. It's official, an upset.  
  
Adv: Ashley.  
  
Geek: A weirdo, for lack of a better word. Screech vs. Lazzrini  
  
Screech all the way. He annoyed the crap out of me everytime, but he played his sixth man role perfectly. He could even step in and start a few times. Lazz was cool, but his obsession with meat was a little weird though. Lazz was also a little scheming, and also joined Jackson in scams, mostly starting them on his own. He was crafty, but he's going up against Screech. Anyone else, and he would've won in an upset. But when you're up against Screech, you just don't win.  
  
Adv: Screech  
  
Principal: Goofy, Silly, Stupid Naïve guy who runs the school: Mr. Belding vs. Headmaster Nicholas  
  
Very awkward. A bumpkin versus a refined gentleman? One important point here: Mr. Belding was married, so really didn't have a love interest to make him a little more interesting. Nick was very interesting, and let's face it: the accent really catches your attention. Plus, he ends up with Ms. Dupree. Sorry Belding, that's automatic.  
  
Adv: Headmaster Nicholas.  
  
Theme Song: Feet tapping tunes. Saved By The Bell vs. Rocking at USA High  
  
USA High's music was too simple and bland, with poor camera angles to boot. If it weren't for that shot of Winnie from behind… Saved By the Bell ranks up there with Fresh Princes theme music, and it certainly outclasses USA High's horrible lyrics by a mile.  
  
Adv: Saved By the Bell.  
  
X-Factor: Random person thrown in. [just in case there was a tie-breaker] Max vs. Ms. Dupree.  
  
WHOAAAA! Ms. Dupree all the way! Don't even get me started on Max. [the guy with the glasses who owned the Max. He looked like one of those guys who lived under the parents house, thinking up new catch phrases or something. He always looked like he was going to drool over the girls, even though the show called for him to be the neutral wise man in the whole thing. He probably hit on them between takes. Ms. Dupree? Like whoa. I can't explain it. She's smart and clever too.  
  
Adv: Ms. Dupree  
  
And there you have it, a tie. Well, the following people would make a perfect Saturday morning pre-teen/teen show anyway:  
  
Zack / Kelly / Winnie or Lisa / Christian / Ashley / Screech / Headmaster Nicholas / Ms. Dupree / Saved by the Bell's music.  
  
And, parting, I really don't have a life. 


	3. Ramblings - Ch. 2

Ramble young man, Ramble!  
  
Overdone jokes: The one where people imitate Stevie Wonder. C'Mon stop, it's been done so much, it's practically dead.  
  
If the Jags win a least seven games, I'll be happy, if they win nine, I'll be ecstatic. If they go undefeated, or win the Super Bowl, I'll be a converted fan.  
  
McNabb for MVP. Pass it on .  
  
Has anyone actually eaten brussel sprouts? I've never heard anyone actually say they've eaten them. Liver for that matter too.  
  
Why do the Baby Boomers blame the X Generation for being lazy when everything we have and use, they've invented? The internet, video games, technology in general. When's the last time a Gen Xer invented something besides bad choreography?  
  
If Bill Clinton chokes on a pretzel in Harlem, will his mistress hear it in the bathroom? Just wondering.  
  
Sorry, but when you have a name like Magic Johnson, you kind of set yourself up, right?  
  
Wilt Chamberlain had more women in his career than the whole Grizzlies team has career points. Amazing.  
  
Whenever some quotes anything or anyone from the A-Team, run.  
  
What would happen if you drank water, then go to the bathroom? Would that create some kind of fountain/toilet cycle? Can someone draw up a diagram of this?  
  
The greatest moment of the olympics: When Evander Holyfield handed the torch to Muhammad Ali. I was literally shell shocked. I was stammering like crazy. Even though Muhammad wasn't in perfect shape, it was still a great moment, and in Atlanta, no less. Wow. That moment, may never be topped.  
  
I'll I'm saying is. Celebrity Boxing, Pamela Anderson versus Carmen Electra. That's it.  
  
For a fat guy, Mario can sure jump high.  
  
[Does Mario have a last name? Like Pevertinnni, or Tortellinni? Can someone get a reading on this? That goes for Sonic too.]  
  
If Tails can fly, why does he need an airplane?  
  
Where french fries really made in France?  
  
I think the Towers should be rebuilt.  
  
I really despise the Lakers.  
  
Neapolitan Ice Cream sounds a lot like Napoleon Ice Cream, just look at the words and tell me you didn't think Napoleon Ice Cream the first time.  
  
Greatest black sitcom of all time: The Cosby Show. Worst black sitcom of all time: anyone on UPN, yes that means Parenthood and Wayans Brothers.  
  
If you farted in church, would that wake up the person next to you? I need to do an experiment on this.  
  
Black really does make you look thinner. White, doesn't.  
  
It's nice that certain bleaches can wash out blood, but if you're washing blood out of your clothes, you've got a bigger problem.  
  
Seinfeld rocks.  
  
Monica is the hottest female friend. Hottest male? No comment.  
  
If you want a relaxing feeling, take a jar of mustard, open it, and take the biggest whiff you can. That should clear up those pesky sinuses.  
  
What are P's and Q's? And why do we have to be on them so much?  
  
PDQ – Please Do Quickly.  
  
Urkel would kill Screech in a steel cage match.  
  
Martin Lawrence ranks as the number one guy with the biggest head in proportion to his body. It's like a hot air balloon attached to a stick figure.  
  
How do they get the crème in Twinkies?  
  
What sex is Winnie the Pooh?  
  
Capn' Crunch is the man. You can't dispute this. Never.  
  
Always tip your waiter/waitress. You have a good chance of meeting them again.  
  
Is Tiping really a city in China?  
  
Why would anyone want to walk a mile in anyone's shoes? Just curious.  
  
All I'm saying is: Fear Factor: Boy Bands. You can take it from there. 


End file.
